Hurray for school!!!

Shhhhh...hear that? I know, me neither! Isn't it wonderful! At long last, the first day of school has arrived. That means 6 1/2 hours to run errands, fold laundry and catch up on many other tasks that my angel seems to hinder more than help.

Not that I don't miss her dearly. It's all the "other" kids that make these few hours off so refreshing. See, my darling daughter has already joined a biker gang. We have five little girls between the ages of 5 and 8 within a five house radius, and they all have a bike. That in and of itself is bad enough, but we also have a couple nests of teenagers in our neighborhood, which means more teenagers visit them, which means an influx of teenage drivers zipping to and fro. The combination of inexperienced drivers (who are distracted by the other eleven people in the car) and little girls on bicycles (some of whom have not fully mastered the art of "braking" yet) is enough to strike fear into the hearts of most of the adults on our street.

Call me over-protective, but I have no fear of being the neighborhood b####, and I'll stand on my porch and yell at kids to watch out for cars, whether they are mine or not.

But not today. Today there were no little cyclists in the street. Today no one was knocking on my door every half hour looking for my angel. (The reason they knock is because the husband disconnected our doorbell after the second day.) Today they were all blissfully ensconced in the halls of academia, learning important things, like who has a Hannah Montana shirt and who got a Strawberry Shortcake backpack. (Ideally there is also reading and math going on, it's just not the part of the day my angel remembers best.)

So, happy first day of school! (even if yours is still to come.)

End of Summer

Alas, summer is drawing to a close. So far we've had a pretty good one. I for one have learned a lot, though my kids seemed to have learned very little. Here is a list of things I should have discussed with them at the beginning of the summer:

1. Towels are not disposable. If you bring a towel to the pool, make sure you bring one home with you. (If it happens to be the same towel you brought, so much the better.)

2. I am not your cruise director. It is not my job to entertain you, arrange for your entertainment, pay for said entertainment, nor transport you to and from your many entertainments! If occasionally I do decide to do these things, a "thank you" is in order.

3. The phrase "I hate _______" will not be well received. ("Hate" language never is in my house.) If you tell me you're "bored", I will provide you with a list of chores you may do to kill the time. Do not say, "I have to do everything around here!" unless you are willing to back it up.

4. When you are away from my sight, you should still behave as if I where standing right behind you. It's a very small town, and I get reports from people you didn't even know I knew.

5. When you sneak candy from my (apparently) not-so-hidden stash, do not tuck the wrappers behind the couch or under the DVD player. Eventually they will be found, and you will have only put off my retribution. On the other hand, the chances of me sifting through the garbage are pretty slim. I still have the feeling you don't know where I'm going with this...

6. If you are thirsty, get a drink. If you are hungry, grab a snack. Any waitressing I do must be rewarded with a tip.

7. I don't care if his feet stink. I don't care if she snores. I have to sleep with your father, and believe me, any smelly feet/snoring issues you have pale in comparison to what I have to deal with.

8. Moms need to know where their kids are at all times. If you go over to Cassidy's house, but end up at Maddie's, that's a memo I need to get. Never forget that the length of your leash is purely at my discretion.

9. Occasionally I have plans, and my plans supersede any plans you may have. Why? Because I said so.

10. When I say to watch out for cars, I mean parked cars as well as moving ones. When I say to put on sunscreen, I mean actually apply it, not just take the bottle with you. When you come home with a skinned knee or a second degree sunburn on your shoulders, don't look at me like I did this to you. A lot of pain in your life could be avoided if you would just listen to Mama!

Okay, I know this sounds a little deja'vous. (Almost like I heard it all when I was a kid.) Apparently, kids are all the same. Or the "mother" curse is working. It's hard to tell...

Everyone enjoy these last few weeks of summer!

"Where's my dress jeans?"

Is there some sort of Y chromosomal aversion to dressing up? In case you haven't been following along, my sister is getting married next week, and every member of my little family unit has been asked to participate. For my little angel, the flower girl, this is no hardship, considering the fact that she could live her whole life in a Sleeping Beauty halloween costume and be just fine. But for my three ushers, the wardrobe choices have met much more resistance.

To premise this story, I feel that I need to remind everyone that we live in Montana, where jeans are considered acceptable attire for weddings, funerals and even the ballet! My darling husband had never owned a pair of pants that wasn't made of denim until I purchased him a pair of chinos for a first-class stand-by flight. He wore jeans to our wedding! (Okay, I let him. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.)

But this bride is asking for suits and slacks to be worn by the wedding party (and rightfully so!) which sent us on a shopping trip. She ordered suits for the guys, including my dad, brother and husband, from her home in St. Paul. Luckily, she only wants the boys to wear black slacks and blue polo shirts. But this caused enough of an argument outside the dressing room of JCPenneys, which had a few other mothers snickering behind their hands. Here is an excerpt of what was said, almost verbatim:

"The pockets on these pants pooch funny."
"That's because you're wearing them too low; pull them up to your waist."
"This is my waist."
"No, it's not. Your waist is up here."
"No way! I don't want to look like Erkel!"
"You don't look like Erkel. This is your natural waist."
"But all my other pants are down here."
"These are dress pants. They are not jeans. They are not going to fit like jeans!" (I'm thinking of recording this little mantra so I can play it over and over and save my voice.)
"Now, tuck in your shirt."
"I thought you said we were going to wear polos!"
"You are."
"You don't tuck in polos!"
"Um, yes you do! See that mannequin there? Tucked. And that one? Tucked. Ever see Tiger Woods? He's wearing a polo, and it's tucked in!"
"Whatever."

And that was just the little one. I'm not sure I can include the conversation the husband and I had about how a suit should be worn!

The point is, there are plenty of men who wear suits everyday. And I personally think they look fabulous! But around here, I'm pulling teeth to get my guys to dress in what would be known as "casual Friday" wear in the rest of the world. (Sigh) I'll try to snap a picture of us all dressed up. It might be the only time it ever happens.